2019 is here. And I am not going to sit here and tell you that I have started 2019 off on a great foot, with loads of motivation, and an attitude that will ensure I accomplish all my resolutions. Honestly, it’s quite the opposite. In fact, 2019 is kicking my butt and we are only three weeks into the new year. When that clock strikes midnight on January 1st, we come into the year with so much hope and positivity, which is great. But I almost feel like this kind of outlook can make us feel like less when we don’t accomplish what we set out to do.
If you know me I am a planner. I have a daily agenda where I write down everything for at least four weeks in advance and I really try and stay on top of things. But things fall through the cracks. And this year I found myself looking at the rest of the year and feeling so unbelievably overwhelmed by everything that I had to do and everything that was yet to come. This feeling has not gone away. It’s January 16th and I feel like this ticking time bomb of stress. Now I realize this may not be the response you thought you were going to see. I also realize I may sound a little dramatic. But in my opinion, I am being honest. I would rather sit here and type my truth then tell you how amazing the new year is when quite frankly it’s been tough.
Often when we talk about the new year it’s with a happier, more hopeful tone. But I think we deserve to be honest with ourselves and if things feel hard, it’s okay to admit that. Take myself for instance, I was just lying in bed and remembered: “crap, I didn’t do that contributor piece, ugh Mackenzie!”. Immediately I thought of several other things that have gone wrong today or just made me feel like I am not doing the best I could be doing. But I also realized something else. I realized the 160 words that I did start to write for this piece meant absolutely nothing. I was lying to myself. I immediately got out of bed, deleted that little paragraph I had started, and wrote this.
The New Year makes us think we have to have everything together. But in reality, for the first few months of the new year I probably look and feel like a baby dear learning how to walk. The awesome thing is I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. I live in a sorority with 60 other women and they are going through the same thing. But what makes me sad is that we feel this need to sugar coat the new year. It’s not Christmas anymore we don’t have to wrap things in this pretty, little package with a neatly, tied bow on top. What we should be doing is striving to be more honest with ourselves. Owning who we are and owning the chaos that makes us who we are. It’s okay to not have it all together. It’s okay to still be figuring it out. I know I am. The one thing I do know is that when I am counting down to 2020, at the end of this year, I will be so proud of myself for never giving up (it sounds cheesy but it’s true). And I will be proud of myself for being honest and choosing my truth before writing some cliché message about the New Year. So, with that said, I encourage you to live your truth this year, even if that means it is sometimes messy, chaotic, and overwhelming because sometimes they lead to the most beautiful moments.
Written by FIT Contributor and Brand Leader, Mackenzie Lloyd.